Freeing people - all over the world - from the prisons of our own making

“It is true that we are called to create a better world. But we are first of all called to a more immediate and exalted task: that of creating our own lives.”

I was invited, and I accepted the invitation of EPP, The Enneagram Prison Project, to attend a symposium inside San Quentin State Prison in California. Prior to entering the prison on the day of the symposium, I had met many of the people involved with EPP, including the Ambassadors, men and women who are former incarcerated students of Susan Olesek, and her trained guides. I had heard their stories and witnessed, through their own words, how the enneagram program taught inside the prisons had changed their lives. Certainly their stories are compelling and life-altering. They are lovely people for whom I cheer and wish the best. They are an inspiring and a wonderful reminder of how we “do the work together.”

My biggest takeaway was that the enneagram study really works! I had the amazing opportunity to talk with many of the incarcerated who were present and told me how much they had learned about themselves. What was even more evidenced was how comfortable they were in the presence of each of us. We shared a common bond: our interest and work with the enneagram tool. We spoke the same language and in their eyes I saw and experienced connection.

There are faces I will never forget. Whatever I expected before I went into the prison, those thoughts and preconceived notions evaporated within seconds, including my experience studying the enneagram. As the chapel filled with the students, they immediately dispersed among the visitors and I found myself gob smacked by the feeling that they were welcoming me. I was in their home and they were making me feel welcomed. I’m not sure what I had expected, but whatever it was, I found myself pleasantly surprised by how comfortable and easy they made our introductions feel. We were simply one, shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries…pleasantries that were authentic and genuine. As a first timer, I was made immediately welcomed. I observed that those who were more familiar…who were guides or had been into the prison before…they were easily recognizable to the students. It was like a family reunion, where everyone was happy to see the other and took up precisely where they had left off. And I observed that they worked the room like the hospitable hosts that they were.

It was a beautiful day on the peninsula. The prison personnel were accommodating. We moved about in the room that was the prison chapel with tremendous freedom to congregate and speak openly. The camaraderie was palpable. I’m not sure I’ve ever attended a more free-flowing event. As the room filled and we took seats, I found myself filling up with love and connection and extreme gratitude to be a part of such an extraordinary event. I wanted to savor every moment.

When the time came to leave and we gathered, as is the custom at EPP, in a circle to share one word to represent our presence there, I could think of many. Love, connection, and friendship came to mind, and I chose gratitude. I felt so grateful to walk among those who were really doing the work to know themselves…to unlock the doors to the “prisons of their own making.” I was struck by how well they were succeeding at it. Helen Palmer, in her remarks to the group, reminded the room over and over again that they “had time” to do the work. While I do not believe any student in that room believed that they did not have time, I do believe that they heard her message with the good intention with which it was delivered. The people, the program, and the work had, without doubt, changed their lives and their understandings of their true selves and their individual gifts and where and how they fixate in type. They brought their humanity and their connectivity to all in the room with them that day. And it hung like an aura amongst us all, shining a light of benevolence and compassion throughout the space.

As I took the long walk down the sidewalk toward the parking lot, away from the chapel, the prison, the courtyard, the guards, the clanging doors, the solemnity and friendship inside, I thought about my own work. The students on the inside had profoundly done more than remind me that the work is never done. They afforded me an opportunity to observe my own reactivity and to even see my own gifts. Always I have been taught that you need a teaching, a teacher, and a community. I believe that now. I see that now. AND, most importantly, as Susan Olesek teaches, “we do the work together.” She taught our hosts that and they taught me that that day in San Quentin.

One of the EPPeeps, Slam, came to the [International Enneagram Association] conference with a huge roll of stickers, little tan hearts that said “love.” Everyone he met got a little tan heart to wear — I personally brought like five of them home with me. Throughout the next few days, you could tell who Slam had met because they were carrying a little bit of love with them. The stickers were a sweet gesture but also a great visual for one of the themes of the week: presence. Slam’s presence — and love’s presence, and EPP’s presence — were on proud display by everyone he had reached. When Susan talks about presence, she often mentions a kind of gauntlet thrown down by Russ Hudson: how much presence can you tolerate? After a really incredible week with EPP, I think I’m able to tolerate and appreciate a lot more of it.

Throughout the week, people were present in the most refreshing, literal meaning of the word. Instead of retreating behind their phones as we so often do, people were open and ready to connect. And it turns out that people are interesting — every person I spoke with had fascinating stories or wild insights or a heartening curiosity to learn more about everyone around them. The men I talked with in San Quentin were eager to share their presence. The conversations that could have lasted for days were condensed into a meal and a few minutes around the presentations, but we managed to discuss everything from the Enneagram to our families to voting. They asked incredibly perceptive questions, and I struggled to match the depth of their awareness. I was surrounded by the most welcoming community, and they made me strive to be constantly present so I wouldn’t miss a moment of it.

I can’t talk about my experience with EPP without mentioning how proud I felt to be Susan and Rick’s niece the entire time. I spent my week marvelling at Susan’s powerful, heartfelt delivery of EPP’s message and at Rick’s genuine investment in every conversation with everyone around him. It was so cool to see them in their element, and the joy and passion they bring to their work is truly inspiring.

The most powerful expression of presence I experienced was when the EPPeeps found themselves out on the hotel patio late Saturday night. I had already been moved by the strength and authenticity of the community I had just become part of, but our presence that night was completely humbling. We laughed and joked, but we also created a space to share and cry and really talk. It was beautiful and overwhelming and galvanizing. The ability to connect that deeply is a true testament to the community that EPP has fostered, and I’m so grateful to have been there.

My experience with EPP has shown me that this presence is from where the world can start to change. Since I’ve been back home, our country has been bombarded with heartbreaking news on all fronts. Hatred and fear have done some devastating damage, and the nation is splintering and bleeding and crying out for help. I’ve seen enough humanity, however, to still have hope. At the end of the long night on the patio, all I could think was how badly we all need more of this – this communication, this love, this presence. There is no simple solution to the messy tangle of problems that surround us, but finding and cultivating some shared presence might just be the first step.